2 Weeks An Angel

Two weeks ago today we said goodbye as you fell asleep in our arms one last time. Two weeks without you feels like a year has passed. I have a pain I have never felt in my life. There is a piece of me gone and its unfixable and untreatable. The only thing that eases this pain just a little is crying for a few hours and talking about all the things I miss about you and by then im ready to go to sleep and try and dream about you. I look at your pictures and all I want to do is reach into them and touch you or hold you but I cant. I watch your videos and want to grab you and kiss and hug you as your smiling and talking but I cant do that either. All I can do is cry and scream because i cant touch or feel you. Its the worst pain in the world to have had you by my side able to touch and feel you whenever I wanted and then to have that all taken away. My heart is absoutely broken in one million pieces and it is very painful. Its selfish of me to want you back here so that I can take care of you and see your smiling face and beautiful eyes. You were growing so tired and your little lungs just couldnt keep up with the fight that you still had left inside. The day before you died you were the happiest little girl dancing, singing, talking, smiling and all of a sudden SMA took over and took you away from me. I knew I wouldnt ever be ready but I couldnt see it coming. I know your happy where you are, we have seen the signs. From the butterfly leaving the hospital that day, the butterfly at the grave as they were lowering you into the ground, the butterfly on daddys shoulder the morning after we laid you to rest and the Strawberry Shortcake balloon Daddy found on the ground in the front yard. We have seen them and they have brought us comfort for brief periods. Nothing takes away the longing for wanting you here. I try to figure out how I am going to live my life without you and be "okay" one day. I dont see it or feel it. Its hard to be home and your not here, I cant sit in our living room because I cant see you in your spot, I cant watch TV because theres to many things that remind me of you, when I go in your room I cry because I cant see you in your bed. Its all just so unfair how someone that made our life so complete and happy has just been taken from us and now we have to try and live life without you. I know these past 2 weeks you are being the little girl you were never allowed to be and that makes me feel a sense of happiness for you but I also want to see it and I cant. The 2 weeks ive had to live without you have been the most painful 2 weeks of my life. My life revolved around yours and I still cant stop it from revolving. I wake up thinking about you, there isnt a minute that goes by that I dont think of you throughout the day, I think about you as I lay in bed at night, when I turn over in the night and back to when I wake up again. There is a huge piece of my heart missing and I hope I can fill it with all your beautiful memories and keep them close forever, its all i have left to do. You were the most beautiful baby ever and I miss your beautiful face. Everyone has the same story about you and how you touched their life. I miss the love we shared as mother and daughter. You made me feel like the most important person in the world because we needed each other so much and I could always tell by the look on your face when I walked into the room that I was loved. Each day that passes doesnt get easier, its gets harder to face another day without you and instead of feeling one day closer to you I feel that much further away from you. I miss you so much Keely and dont know how im doing this each day without you. All I know is im going to bed and waking up each day. Mommy loves you like nobody knows......Sweet Dreams