Dreams of You

I had a dream of Keely lastnight. These dreams of her come few and far between. I have no clue and no understanding why? Most times when I think of something right before bed or during the day I dream of it. But I only dream of Keely once in a while. When I do their very vivid and usually very short. Lastnight I dreamt of her and it was like she had once died but came back to us again but we still knew that she was only here for a short time. We were getting more time with her after she had already left this world once. I remember holding her and everybody was playing with her. She was so happy and smiling just as she was when she was here before. In my dream I could still see her sense of humor that she had that everybody loved and it was still there. Just as she was with us in my dream she was the centre of attention. I felt so happy in my dream I was smiling and felt like my old self again. We looked at each other like we knew we hadn't seen each other in a long time and I could tell that she missed me just as much as I missed her.I held her and I didnt let her go because I knew that she was going to die again in my dream. I remember those vivid parts and particularly the way I felt and the way she looked. Most of the details always go away when I wake up :( For a while when I awoke I felt so happy to see her in my dream and felt so happy that she seemed happy. Then sure enough the happiness was only there for a brief moment and then I felt again like she had been ripped from my arms. I then felt sad and cried because I felt so close to her just like I use to then the reality of it all hit that shes not here, that it was just a DREAM. I love dreaming about her and I love seeing her in my dreams but I hate waking up. I hate waking up and facing reality. I woke up and felt like she died all over again. Those moments I dream of her I get to hold her, I get to kiss her and I can even smell her.....its as close to reality as I will ever get with her....imagine that only being able to see your child in your dreams and you dont even get to choose when it happens. I have my dreams and I have my memories and I will always cherish those but the feeling of not having her is unbearable. When I close my eyes I can see her and get the most vivid imagination of her but only at certain times will that allow me to.
See you in my dreams pumpkin xoxo
Love you forever and always your Mommy