2 Whole Months........

An entire two months has passed since we kissed our baby girl, hugged her, told her it was okay to leave us and watched her as she passed away in our arms. Its been two whole months since the worst day of my entire life. As I sit here and try to recollect the last 60 days of my life without Keely I sit here and cry and wish I could have her back. I think for one more hug or kiss or just to see her smile and her beautiful big eyes and I feel powerless. The one thing in my life i didnt have control of was saving her and keeping her healthy on this earth. Ive done things to the best of my abilities and that still wasnt good enough. SMA took her and left me here with a hole in my heart. I imagine frequently what she looks like and what it is shes doing. I always picture her with her little reddish brown pig tails bouncing up and down while shes doing little hops on big fluffy clouds, shes running and jumping and her voice will be the sweetest little girl voice. She was buried in a brown and pink traditional dress with white and pink ribbon outlining the bottom with little pink rose buds in the centre. I invison her doing this in that little outfit with tiny, soft billowy wings. I do imagine her happy and smiling and I like to think shes not missing me, the thought of her looking for me or wanting me breaks my heart, I hope for her sake she looks down and smiles upon me. I know she probably sees me crying all the time and I also like to think she doesnt want me to be sad. But I was gifted and given the most beautiful baby I could ever imagined and shes been taken away from me. All I have left are her things, her bedroom and my memories. I may be a little selfish but for right now thats not good enough. I miss her beautiful face, her happy smile, her most gorgeous eyes that everyone fell in love with but most of all I miss her touch, cuddles and hugs.....I miss her little body...her beautiful little body that is now one of the most beautiful angels in heaven. Ive heard a few times before that Heaven is exactly what you picture it to be, whenever it is my time to enter heaven I hope Keely is the first one that I see, that will be heaven to me. My world was a better place with having Keely in our lives and she has made heaven just that much more beautiful. xoxo Love & Miss you my Keely girl.