Happy 16 Months Keely

As I sit here and reflect on the past 5 months of being home from the hospital I feel a sense of pride, happiness and so much effort and time that has been put into those months. I would like to say effortless but its more acceptance that it needs to be done and this is, has and will continue to be our normalicy! Keely turned 16 months old today and I think back to November and December and how I was so afraid we wouldnt make it to my birthday with her, then her birthday and Christmas was just out of the question. I couldnt look into next week because it seemed so far away. I was actually living my life on a daily basis and enduring which each day had to offer. I was afraid to look ahead because as time goes on its a double edged sword, on one hand we get to see her grow and enjoy all this time with her but on the other as she gets older she weakens and its just that one day closer. Is the glass half empty of half full, thats a decision I have to make most days and for the most part its half full! So here we are 5 months later and 4 months past Keelys life expectancy! I was alone driving the other day and just felt so happy. I thought to myself I am so happy with my life then started to think to myself "how can I feel this happy with Keelys life being compromised and the extra load we carry on a daily basis, how did I get this far?" I know the biggest reason is because she is still here and she is the brightest most happiest little girl but aside from that almost 11 months ago I would have thought of being in a depressive state. Ive always tried to look at the positives in life and it can be a challenge at times. Living with SMA and trying to give my baby a beautiful life has made it easy, it comes naturally. With that being said it doesnt come on a daily basis but for the most part the positive makes itself available and its easy to recognize. Before I had to look for it, convince myself it was there and then remind myself. Now its just there. Im not trying to come across as SMA is wonderful  but we are making the best of this stupid disease between Scott and I together. We have our down days. I can get on the wrong train of thoughts and think the worst and I do have my crying days, human nature......I also have Scott there for balance. Not very often are we feeling the same way at the same time, I presume it was done this way to help us maintain sanity and of course for our life to balance. Scott and i are each others biggest supports, we were close before and it has just made us that much closer to one another. To me my baby is not sick, weak, unable to eat or in any way affected by a terminal disease.....She is 16 months old, she is beautiful, smart and the most perfect baby to us. I do not consider it denial, I consider it a mothers love....you only see the good in your child and I decided months ago that SMA and a terminal disease was not going to sum up her life and ours. Although we deal with it on a daily basis.....Life is what you make it! Happy 16 Months our little Keely Bunns!